Rethinking Toxic Workplaces: It’s Not a People Problem—It’s a Connection Problem

June 11th, 2025

I have this theory about toxic workplaces because I don't think it is necessarily a people problem, I think it is a connection issue. Toxic work environments often seem to be blamed on difficult people. What I see is that more often they stem from something deeper: a breakdown in meaningful connection.

One of the most instinctive ways people build rapport is through shared frustration. It’s human nature to seek belonging, and complaint often becomes the quickest way to form a solid bond. When you and the accounts payable manager bond over the belief that “George is an idiot,” you've made a connection—but one founded in negativity. That connection deepens when it's shrouded in the exclusivity of “Let’s keep this between us.” and creates a dynamic where trust is conditional and built on mutual dissatisfaction, not shared purpose.

We’ve all seen how this plays out. Misery loves company, and when complaint becomes the default setting for connection, it seeps into the workplace culture like the smell of microwaved fish in the lunchroom—lingering and hard to ignore, and I promise it will define the environment and be all anyone can talk about.

Now, maybe George is difficult to work with and venting can be necessary. But when complaining becomes the glue that holds people together it manipulates the connection. Instead, we need to create cultures where connection is built on strengths, and where people understand the difference between venting and complaining (I'll save that for another day).

Fortunately the shift starts with leadership. Leaders must model the culture they want to see —not just tolerate the one that arises.

This includes:

- Setting clear expectations,

- Addressing poor behaviour early,

- Refusing to normalize dysfunction, and

- Encouraging solutions, not just problems.

Too often leaders act as the default Problem Solver for problems they should never have had to solve in the first place. But if you reward complaints with attention—especially one-on-one time—you unintentionally reinforce negative behaviour and your leadership becomes focused on absorbing dysfunction.

Empowering your team means equipping them to identify problems AND generate solutions. It means creating space for ownership, growth, and mutual accountability. It means finding the time to connect with each person because things are good, not because they bring you something bad.

Remember: If the only way your people know how to connect with you is by bringing you problems, you’re not just reinforcing a culture of complaint—you’re sustaining it.

#CultureOfComplaint #ToxicWorkplace #CorporateCounselling #CollaborativeStrategiesConsultingInc.