What I learned “out of office”
August 5th, 2025
I stepped away from the office for five whole weeks, and nobody died.
There is a vehicle with a bumper sticker in town that says “But did you die?” and that has become my mantra whenever things get tough. Like when we didn’t get the client after 20 hours of work on the proposal they requested. It of course was a huge disappointment (among other things) - but did anyone die? No? Then okay, time to move on.
So when I say “I stepped away from the office for five whole weeks, and nobody died.” it isn’t because I expected someone to, it’s because it proves that nothing I do is so important that I can’t be away from it.
However, up until the moment my family and I boarded the plane, I thought I should cancel. I wasn’t sleeping, I felt very emotional, or as we call it in my family ‘fragile’. I felt like I was being irresponsible, irrational, and even like who did I think I was taking this amount of time ‘away’ in this economy?! I even thought I was putting my company in jeopardy, because who would respect a business owner stepping away from the day-to-day of their business? Would people assume that business is so good I don’t need anymore (cause I do!), and would people go back to thinking this was just a hobby I did on the side (cause it isn’t!).
But it’s funny - because I had to recognize where this was coming from.
First, I have been consistently asked or heard these two things “How do you work so much?” and “Make sure you are making time for yourself and your family!”
I always felt these questions/comments were asked with some concern, a little bit of intrigue, and a whole lot of judgement. My response has always been that I don’t ever have to do it alone, so it’s not just me doing anything 100%, 100% of the time. I have a husband who carries whatever I can’t (and vice versa), and an employee who is more like my partner that does the work I can not do, and I have brilliant support systems that cheer me on, support me, encourage me, teach me, and are ready to fight for me if needed, which help me to keep my sanity. These questions/comments are what I have always considered “Unsupportive Support”. It’s veiled as concern, but it doesn’t feel caring, and it leaves a person feeling defensive because now I have to prove that nothing is being missed and everything is wonderful, because after all, “I chose this”. Well, let me tell you - I think that’s why I was struggling with whether I should stay or I should go.
I was afraid that if I could be judged for working too much, I was definitely putting my business and reputation on the line for working too little. That ‘glorification of busy’ wasn’t just a self-appointed badge of honour, it also felt like an external award that was directly tied to my self-worth. If my clients, friends, family, and even a stranger could see how hard I am working and trying - then maybe they will believe I am worthy of their business, time, respect… I had attached my value as a human to how much I could get done, and how much I said ‘yes’, never ever saying ‘no’, all in the hopes that it would cancel out the imposter syndrome, and stop me (or them) from knowing about the things that I wasn’t. Isn’t that crazy? I am afraid that people will know all the things I am not, even though I have never been a person to pretend I am anything but what I am. I know - I can’t figure it out either, except to say that it’s okay if I know my weaknesses (because I do 100% - I do teach EQ and self-awareness), but I would rather work myself into an early grave then to have my weaknesses be seen before my strengths, or even worse, my ‘no’ mean that a potential client goes somewhere else!
So you can imagine how difficult it was to get on that plane knowing that for the next five weeks I would be in a different time zone, on a different continent, at a different level of availability…and yet I did, and it was glorious.
Here’s what I learned:
When you aren’t attached to your own self-importance, it is easy for people to jump in and carry your load. CSC has always been a ‘we’, and I have tried very hard to not make it a ‘me’ because I don’t do this alone. I have had Amanda Pelletier with me for almost five years, and her insight, skills, and abilities have absolutely helped to shape where we are today - in a way that I could not have done it on my own. She is an expert on details, process, and filling in the blanks, while I am great on figuring out the vision for where our work needs to be. I know where we need to go, but without someone able to construct the steps, I would have to go alone. This allowed me to leave the day-to-day to Amanda without a second thought. I have also had a lot of other great people come into this business, from advisors, collaborators, employees, other consultants, and even clients that have shared their expertise. I add what I know, and find the people and answers for what I don’t.
People will always have a comment or concern thinly veiled as that Unsupportive Support. Those same people that thought I worked too much, asked me if I was going to have enough business to come back to, or said things like “I never took time off for the first XX years running my business.” Those were the people I let get in my head, and the ones whose opinions actually never should have mattered in the first place. They were the ones who made me second guess whether I was worthy enough to deserve this, but also the ones that fed my insecurities along the way. Well, now that I am home, I can honestly say I learned that they do not get to weigh in on how I feel about myself, although I will build their comments into the risk analysis process. Let’s be real, I can’t just go along unbothered and under-challenged - we still need these people to ensure balance, and to see things we don’t see ourselves. The important part is for them to not be the voice I hear at 3am, and instead be the questions we ask when we are analyzing the risks.
It is okay to take a pause in one area of your life in order to gain insight in another, and I know this is a privilege (although a privilege I have worked my butt off for). For the last six years I have been on a treadmill that has only seemed to get faster and faster, which I love and thrive in. I absolutely love my work, and my life. I love my clients, I love my office, I love what I do. However, after having a raspy throat for three months that I convinced myself was ‘just how I sound now’ and then getting pneumonia in April and being out for two weeks, and out of the office for three - cancelling meetings for the first time in six years, missing events, and engagements - I realized I needed to start looking after some other parts of my life that I hadn’t, and that illness shouldn’t be the only reason to take time off. I need to literally be able to go for a walk and smell the roses and make time for my health. I need to nurture friendships that aren’t just related to business. I need to have that dreaded word ‘balance’ and I need to be okay with not being at an 11 all of the time (Spinal Tap reference anyone?). Now I don’t think this time away altered me so much that I will ever be able to be less than an 11, however it gave me the chance to realize that this is a ‘me’ thing, and that no one else expects anything more than what I said I could give. I set the expectations - I need to make sure they are realistic.
For years I have talked about how we are no longer in a world where we can expect people to leave their home life at home and their work life at the door. This time away reinforced that view because everything is connected.
1. Time with family fuels everything else. Spending quality time with our three boys—without checking my phone or worrying about daily operations (being 8 hours ahead made that much easier) —reminded me why I do what I do in the first place. I wanted to be there for my boys without having to ask anyone for permission. Those weeks away became a powerful reset that brought perspective and renewed energy, but also was a reminder about what I am doing it for. Why work this hard if it isn’t for something bigger?
2. Achieving a dream requires actually taking a leap to do it. I used this break to check off a personal dream that had been a ‘one day’ for the last 15 years. It was really interesting to see how making space for that goal created a drive for our boys, and re-fueled my commitment to what I am doing. My step-dad always said “See, Believe, Achieve”, and with this dream coming to fruition, it reminds me that other ones can come true too. There have been things in this business I have dreamt about, but haven’t taken the leap to do it. Going away made me realize that I would rather have a list of 100 things we could do differently because we took the leap, then a list of ‘one days’. You are going to see us take a few more leaps in the upcoming year, so stay tuned!
3. Trust your systems and your team. My clients didn’t care that I was unavailable. In fact, the ones that knew thought it was an incredible choice and opportunity. They said they would see me when I got back. I didn’t get fired from jobs, or need to fear that I had disappointed anyone or that they now thought I was a deadbeat. They were happy for me, and were happy to work with Amanda and it ran smoothly because of the structures, people and processes. Letting go wasn’t easy, but I needed to be able to do it (and I was surprised with how well I did! ha ha)
4. You come back sharper. Stepping back from the day-to-day allowed me to see the business from a new angle. I returned with clearer priorities, bigger ideas, and a deeper commitment to keep building a company that serves both our clients and our people well. It gave me back that pep in my step, because I was able to be grateful for it all. Sometimes when you are in it you forget to be grateful for where you are at because we always have to think about the next thing. I learned that sharpness needs focus, and when you can’t always be in the moment that clarity can be lost. I gained clarity of gratefulness of where we are today, and a sharpness for where we will go in the future.
5. Balance is different for everyone. There is a saying that when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. That is truly how I feel. So the balance that we have been told is the ‘norm’, doesn’t mean it’s the norm for everyone and we have to be careful to compare our balance needs with the balance of others. Some weeks I will work 40 hours, others I will work 70, and some times it will be 10. The balance for me is knowing our boys have access to me no matter what, no matter when. And again, I have never had a client fire me because I needed to pick up a kid who was sick, or because I wanted to be at their assembly. Imbalance comes when we are trying to be or do something that is out of alignment with who we really are, and that is why it is different for everyone.
When I was 17 years old I wondered if there was a job like this that I could do. I wanted to be able to work with as many different people and businesses as I could, learn as many different things that I was able to, and find a way to build relationships and connections with people that would last beyond the job. I wanted to be a helper, lightening peoples loads. I grew up in family business, and have only ever really been in an entrepreneurial space my whole life so I know first hand how important outside perspectives can be. What was keeping me up at night, became a gift I will treasure for the rest of my life. I am so grateful - now bring on the work!
#UnSupportiveSupport #Perspective #CorporateCounselling #CollaborativeStrategiesConsultingInc.